Amour Propre
by Seaouryou
Summary: [Sesshoumaru x Sesshoumaru] Sesshoumaru wins, everyone else loses. Which is how it should be.


Hmm... this will probably make more sense if you know who Byakuya is, but there're no real spoilers.

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During the final battle against Naraku, Sesshoumaru was, quite predictably, late. By the time he arrived they had already taken out Naraku's minions, and all of the bit players had gotten their required hits in.

Well screw that, Sesshoumaru decided, and let the heroes have their largely undeserved victory. If he wasn't the one to kill Naraku, it really wasn't worth it. He poked Moryoumaru's carcass with Tenseiga much in the way a child would a dead bird with a stick, then glanced around, aloof and very, very bored.

Ah, you're here, Sesshoumaru-sama.

He glanced over his shoulder. Oh. You. A momentary pause. Why aren't you dead yet?

Byakuya shrugged. Throwing myself on Inuyasha's sword didn't sound particularly enjoyable. So I decided not to.

Sesshoumaru ed. Byakuya smiled.

Before you got here, they killed Kanna. It was a completely uncoordinated attack. Thoroughly disappointing. The whole battle has been largely anticlimactic.

They watched Inuyasha charge, screaming, at Naraku, and was predictably smashed into something. Sesshoumaru frowned.

That comes from his mother's side of the family, you know. Izayoi attacked cooking in much the same way. That was, of course, before she burned the house down.

Byakuya cracked a grin. Sounds exciting.Not really. She hit me with a broom whenever I got too close to the kitchen. A crease appeared between Sesshoumaru's eyebrows. Gods, I hated that woman.

A was a lull in the conversation as they watched one of the miko - Sesshoumaru couldn't tell which and, quite frankly, he didn't care - and Inuyasha attacked simultaneously.

Deja vu, Sesshoumaru muttered.

Byakuya scratched his head as Naraku combusted. Haven't they done that before? Sesshoumaru glanced at him and felt obliged to point out, You're free.Hmm? Oh, I guess I am. He hummed a moment, glancing around himself. Hmm. I expected more fuss. Or something. It feels about the same. He frowned. I didn't think this far ahead. I expected to get killed. Pause. I suppose I still could be.

Sesshoumaru ed again. ... What does your sword do?Beats me.... I could use another minion.

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Over all, Sesshoumaru had to congratulate himself. He, of course, was always right about everything, but it was nice to have someone around that generally shared his point of view on matters.

Unfortunately, Byakuya started to get weird around the time summer hit.

Sesshoumaru decided to inform him. There's something wrong with you. Byakuya agreed nonchalantly, folding paper cranes.

Well, deal with it. It's annoying.

Byakuya set down his paper, crossed his arms, propped his ankle up on his knee, leaned back on his seat, and deliberated for a few moments.

he said finally, and returned to folding cranes. I appear to be sexually attracted to men.Are you sure?

Byakuya eyed him rather blatantly and Sesshoumaru glared.

Quite sure.Deal with it, Sesshoumaru repeated. It's annoying.

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Unfortunately, the problem didn't deal with itself, and instead spread like a bad rash. Soon, all traces of Byakuya's personality had evaporated.

You could be a little more sensitive, you know, he said in a way that made Sesshoumaru want to kill him. Unfortunately, his recently acquired minion status saved him from permanent damage. I was a product of mpreg. I had a traumatic childhood. That's bound to screw anyone up. I am _conflicted_.Stop trying to grope me.But _I love you_! he said in a distinctively unmanly manner.

No thank you, Sesshoumaru said, as if he'd just been offered a fish.

What! You can't tell me _you're_ heterosexual!

Sesshoumaru glared at him. I have carefully evaluated my options and come to the conclusion that no one's good enough for me. Therefore, I am asexual.

Byakuya clung to his fur and pouted. No fair.

Sesshoumaru took the opportunity to kick him in the face.

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... You know, I think I liked you better before.

Byakuya made a funny noise. It hovered between a gasp and a squeal. You like me!

Sesshoumaru frowned. I never said that.

Byakuya was too busy doing a victory jig to listen. Sesshoumaru resisted the urge to roll his eyes, which wasn't lord-worthy behavior, even if the situation warranted it. He wondered, briefly, if Byakuya was suffering from acute heatstroke, and if tossing him in the river would help any.

Of course, he'd tried that on Jaken once, and it hadn't changed anything at all.

If you're quite done, he said instead, I have minion-related things for you to do.

Byakuya paused mid-dance step and licked his lips. Whatever you say, _master_.

Sesshoumaru had most definitely liked him better before.

Of course, that wasn't saying much.

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Byakuya, I already have to put up with toads, young girls, and the wind groping me at random intervals. I am _not_ going to put up with it from you.No. Stop clinging to my ankles.But what about our stifled but still very obvious affection for one another!What makes you think, Sesshoumaru said with a certain amount of aggravation, I'd even _consider_ you? he said after a thoughtful pause, I'm into acrotomophilia.

Sesshoumaru scowled at him. Off. My leg.Oh, come _on_, Byakuya said, getting dragged across the floor, knocked loose, and standing up again, brushing away dirt. Who'd you prefer? _Jaken_?I already told you, he said irritably. No one's good enough for this Sesshoumaru.

Byakuya's shoulders slumped, defeated. He sighed in a fairly melodramatic manner and pushed his bangs out of his eyes. There's gotta be a loophole here.There isn't, Sesshoumaru said matter-of-factly. Now go do minion things. I have cliffs to look off and things to kill. Satisfied that the matter was now settled, he turned to go.

Oo - wait a minute!

Sesshoumaru wondered if he could kill him, just once, then bring him back as a warning. He doubted Tenseiga would like that. Then again, Tenseiga didn't like pretty much everything he did. What is i-...

Sesshoumaru stared at a carbon copy of himself. He ed for a while.

Said carbon copy smirked back in a self-satisfied sort of way. Loophole. See? Sesshoumaru said and prodded Byakuya's new face markings. ... I suppose you can stay... Byakuya-as-Sesshoumaru said, and clung to his arm. Sesshoumaru didn't start threatening him with bodily harm, which he took as a good sign.

They shared a moment for a while. Then Byakuya frowned.

... Um, but, you know, it still _is_ me.If you can't impersonate my voice, then be quiet. You're ruining the moment.

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End


End file.
